Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
