I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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