Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
