just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
