i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
