I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
