Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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