I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
