You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
