I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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