please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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