At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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