I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
ttyl tear gas
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
