Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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