somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
