what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
