Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
