She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
