Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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