I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Bring me that man meat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
