I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
