Sponge bath it is.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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