I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my being single is dangerous.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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