no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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