My cat gives me a boner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
