Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
