I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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