hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I intend to get homeless drunk
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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