If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
