I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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