it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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