the day after is always just damage control
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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