I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
