your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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