Your tits are I can't wait for
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
