you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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