I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
