Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
