ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
