when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
