Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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