just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
