mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
