My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
