There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
