I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
