NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
