He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
