I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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