Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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